When the Caregiver Needs Care Too?

When the Caregiver Needs Care Too?

Much of the caregiving information available today focuses on the person who has been diagnosed. We read about treatments, medications, appointments, side effects, and ways to support a spouse through illness. While those topics are important, they often overlook a reality many caregivers quietly live with every day.

Many caregivers are managing health challenges of their own.

Some are living with diabetes, arthritis, heart disease, chronic pain, mobility limitations, or a history of cancer. Others are recovering from surgeries, coping with fatigue, or juggling their own medical appointments while helping someone they love navigate a serious diagnosis.

Those personal health concerns do not disappear when a spouse becomes ill. The caregiver still has medications to take, appointments to attend, and health concerns that require attention. Yet many of us push those needs aside because the person we love seems to need us more.

Over the years, I have come to believe that many caregivers are caring for two people at the same time. One is the person everyone sees and worries about. The other is the caregiver who is quietly trying to keep going despite their own health concerns, worries, and limitations.

Recently, a friend shared an experience that stayed with me.

Late one evening she fell and broke her ankle. She knew almost immediately that something was seriously wrong. What surprised me was not the injury itself. It was what she chose to do afterward.

She did not call an ambulance. She did not wake her neighbors. Somehow, she managed to get herself back into bed and spent the night in pain. The following morning she called a friend and asked for a ride to the emergency room.

When she told me the story, I was upset with her. Not because she had fallen, but because she seemed more concerned about inconveniencing her neighbors than she was about her own health and comfort.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how common that thinking can be among caregivers and older adults.

Many of us have spent years being the helper. We are comfortable taking care of other people. We are comfortable showing up when someone else is in need. What many of us are not comfortable doing is becoming the person who needs help.

We worry about bothering people. We tell ourselves we can manage on our own. We convince ourselves that whatever is happening can wait until morning.

Yet if the situation had been reversed, most of us would have been upset to learn that a friend had spent the night with a broken ankle rather than calling for help.

Less than a month later, while still wearing a walking boot, my friend fell again and broke her hip. After several weeks in rehabilitation, she faced another challenge. She had to figure out how she was going to manage once she returned home.

Fortunately, she had wonderful neighbors and loyal friends who stepped in to help. They checked on her, helped with errands, and made sure she was not facing recovery alone.

As grateful as I was for her, it also made me realize how fortunate she was.

Many older adults have watched their support circles become smaller over the years. Children may live in another state. Friends may be dealing with health issues of their own. Neighbors move away. Retirement, illness, and loss can quietly shrink the number of people we can call when we truly need help.

That realization raises a question many caregivers rarely ask themselves.

What would happen if I became the person who needed care?

It is not a negative question. It is a practical one.

Life can change quickly. A fall, a surgery, an illness, or an unexpected hospitalization can suddenly leave an independent person needing assistance.

That is why I believe every caregiver should spend some time thinking about a backup plan.

Who would you call if you needed help getting home from the hospital? Who has a key to your house? Who could pick up groceries or prescriptions if you could not drive for a few weeks? If you are caring for a spouse, who could help them if you were temporarily unable to do so?

You do not need a large network of people. Even identifying one or two reliable contacts can make an enormous difference during a crisis.

One simple step is creating an emergency information sheet and placing it on your refrigerator. Include emergency contacts, physician information, medications, allergies, and important medical conditions. If you have completed an advance directive, healthcare power of attorney, or other important planning documents, make sure someone knows where they are stored.

Emergency responders are often trained to look for important information on the refrigerator because it is one of the easiest places to find during an emergency.

Another lesson I learned came from my mother.

Like many older adults, she no longer had a house phone. Her cellphone was usually somewhere nearby, and I suspect she assumed that would be enough.

One day she fell and was unable to get up. Unfortunately, her phone was not within reach.

She remained on the floor for three days.

A neighbor eventually became concerned when she noticed that the newspaper and mail had not been picked up. When she looked through a window, she discovered my mother inside the house.

She died as a result of the fall.

That experience changed the way I think about emergency planning.

Today, many of us rely entirely on cell phones. The problem is that a phone cannot help if it is sitting on a kitchen counter, charging in another room, or lying on a table that you cannot reach.

For that reason, I encourage older adults and caregivers to think about how they would call for help if they fell and could not get up. Some people choose a medical alert system. Others wear a phone lanyard or use a crossbody phone strap that keeps their phone with them throughout the day.

The specific solution is less important than the habit.

If you live alone, spend part of the day alone, or have health concerns that increase your risk of falling, make sure you have a reliable way to call for help when you need it.

It is a simple step, but it can make all the difference

Many caregivers are surprised to discover that resources may already exist in their communities. Organizations such as AARP provide information on caregiving, aging in place, transportation options, home safety, and local support services. The Village movement has created volunteer-based communities throughout the United States that help older adults remain independent and connected. Through the Village to Village Network, individuals can search for a Village in their area and learn what support may be available nearby.

Many communities also have Area Agencies on Aging, transportation programs, meal delivery services, and volunteer organizations that can provide assistance when it is needed.

Perhaps the most important lesson I am learning as I grow older is that independence and planning are not opposites.

Having a plan does not mean you expect something to go wrong. It simply means you understand that life can change quickly and that preparing for the unexpected is an act of wisdom rather than fear.

Most caregivers spend years planning for what their spouse may need. It may be just as important to spend a little time planning for what happens if one day you become the person who needs help.