Partners and Spouses News & Reflections
Stories, updates, and gentle reminders for your caregiving journey.
💬 Cancer Ghosting: When People Disappear — and What You Can Do Instead
Cancer changes more than appointments, treatment plans, and routines.
Sometimes it changes the people around you.
One of the hardest and least talked-about parts of serious illness is realizing that support does not always show up the way you imagined it would. Some people step closer. Others become quieter. A few seem to disappear completely.
At first, it can be subtle.
Messages take longer to answer. Invitations stop coming. Someone who promised to check in never does. Family members avoid updates. Friends say, “Let me know if you need anything,” but never reach out again.
When this happens, it can feel deeply personal.
You may start wondering whether you said too much. Whether people are uncomfortable with your situation. Whether they got tired of hearing about cancer. Whether your world became too heavy for theirs.
Those questions can stay with you for a long time.
Many partners and caregivers describe this as a second layer of loss. You are already carrying fear, uncertainty, and responsibility. Then suddenly the support system you thought would surround you feels smaller than expected.
The painful truth is that people disappear for many reasons.
Some become uncomfortable around illness because it reminds them of experiences they have not worked through themselves. Some worry they will say the wrong thing and choose silence instead. Some assume you are overwhelmed and do not want to bother you. Others truly do not understand how long cancer stretches into ordinary life.
Understanding the reason does not remove the hurt.
If someone mattered to you and stepped away when you needed connection, it is normal to feel disappointed, angry, confused, or even embarrassed by how much it affected you.
Those feelings do not make you ungrateful.
They make sense.
One of the quieter lessons many caregivers learn is that support often arrives differently than expected.
Sometimes the person who checks in every week is not your closest friend.
Sometimes support comes from another caregiver, a neighbor, an online group, a cousin you rarely spoke to, or someone sitting beside you in a waiting room.
And sometimes support becomes smaller, but steadier.
That shift can feel sad at first. It can also become clarifying.
You may begin to notice who shows up consistently. Who remembers appointments. Who asks real questions. Who sends a message that does not require you to carry the conversation.
Those people matter.
If support feels thin right now, it can help to make requests smaller and more specific.
Instead of:
“Let me know if you can help.”
Try:
“Would you text me Thursday after the appointment?”
Instead of:
“We’re having a hard time.”
Try:
“Would you be willing to bring dinner one evening this week?”
People often respond better when they know exactly what would help.
And if someone has disappeared completely, you do not have to decide today what that relationship means forever.
Some people return later.
Some do not.
You do not need to rush yourself into forgiveness, nor do you need to carry anger forever.
You are allowed to notice who stayed.
You are allowed to grieve who did not.
And you are allowed to build support differently than you imagined.
🌻 A Gentle Reminder
If people have disappeared during this season of life, it does not automatically mean you became too much, too needy, or too difficult to stand beside.
Sometimes illness reveals the limits of other people.
Sometimes it reveals unexpected strength.
And sometimes it shows us where connection was quietly waiting all along.
The Caregiver Crisis Facing Women Is Becoming a National Health Emergency
Across the country, millions of women are quietly carrying the emotional and physical weight of caregiving while receiving very little recognition, support, or protection themselves.
Many are caring for husbands with cancer, neurological disease, dementia, heart failure, disability, or chronic illness. Others are simultaneously helping aging parents while still working jobs, managing households, or supporting children and grandchildren.
From the outside, many continue functioning. Inside, many are running on exhaustion.
Women caregivers are often expected to absorb everything. They manage appointments, medications, emotional support, household responsibilities, insurance battles, financial stress, transportation, meals, symptom monitoring, sleepless nights, and the constant fear of what may come next. Much of this happens quietly behind closed doors while the rest of the world continues moving normally around them.
What is happening to women caregivers in this country is not simply “stress.” It is prolonged emotional and physical overload that is contributing to anxiety, depression, chronic health problems, sleep disorders, isolation, and burnout on a massive scale.
Many women stop recognizing how depleted they have become because caregiving slowly consumes their identity, routine, relationships, and nervous system. Some describe feeling emotionally numb. Others live in constant hypervigilance, unable to relax because they are always waiting for the next medical problem, phone call, emergency, or change in symptoms.
Many spouses and partners become nearly invisible inside the healthcare system itself.
Doctors ask how the patient is doing. Friends ask how the patient is doing. Family members focus on the patient. Meanwhile the caregiver is quietly deteriorating in the background.
This is especially true for women caring for husbands or partners during cancer treatment, dementia progression, serious illness, or long-term disability. Many women report severe loneliness, emotional isolation, and exhaustion while trying to hold together daily life for everyone around them.
Some are surviving on only a few hours of sleep. Some are postponing their own medical care. Some are experiencing panic attacks, chronic stress symptoms, memory problems, weight changes, or depression. Many feel guilty for even admitting they are struggling.
This is not a personal weakness.
It is a public health problem.
Experts at Johns Hopkins Medicine warn that caregiver burnout can seriously affect emotional, mental, and physical health. Researchers from the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health are now openly discussing what they describe as a growing caregiver crisis across the United States.
But the reality is this:
Women caregivers are still largely expected to sacrifice themselves quietly while the healthcare system depends heavily on their unpaid labor to keep seriously ill family members functioning at home.
We need broader recognition that caregiver burnout is not simply an individual family issue. It is becoming a national health crisis.
We need better caregiver support systems, expanded respite care, workplace protections, financial assistance, mental health support, caregiver-inclusive healthcare practices, and far greater public awareness before burnout turns into complete emotional or physical collapse.
Most importantly, women caregivers need to stop feeling ashamed for struggling under impossible levels of responsibility.
No one was meant to carry this much alone for this long.
Additional Resources:
Johns Hopkins Medicine – Caregiver Burnout: Causes, Symptoms & Support
Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health – What Is the Caregiver Crisis?
Explore more caregiver support and resources:
New Research Explores Alternative Forms of Hormone Therapy for Prostate Cancer
May 8, 2026
A newly published study is bringing attention to something many prostate cancer patients and caregivers have quietly struggled with for years:
How do we better protect quality of life during hormone therapy?
Androgen deprivation therapy (ADT) is commonly used to treat advanced or recurrent prostate cancer. While these treatments can be very effective in controlling the disease, many men and their partners experience difficult side effects that can affect daily life, relationships, emotional wellbeing, intimacy, sleep, energy, and overall quality of life.
Many caregivers recognize these changes immediately.
Partners often describe feeling as though the person they love has emotionally withdrawn, become exhausted, or changed in ways neither of them expected. These experiences can place enormous strain on both members of a couple.
The newly published study, “Transdermal estradiol for prostate cancer: how do patients compare it to other options for androgen deprivation therapy?”, explored how prostate cancer patients feel about an alternative form of hormone therapy called transdermal estradiol (tE2).
Transdermal estradiol delivers estrogen through patches, creams, or gels applied to the skin.
The research builds on findings from the PATCH/STAMPEDE clinical trials in the United Kingdom, which found that transdermal estradiol may provide prostate cancer control comparable to standard ADT while also offering improved quality of life for some patients.
In this newly published survey:
• More than 800 prostate cancer patients participated.
• More than 95% believed transdermal estradiol should be available as a standard treatment option.
• Many participants expressed frustration with the side effects of traditional ADT.
• Interest in alternative options was especially high among men who had not yet started hormone therapy.
• Many participants reported they would be willing to seek additional physicians or pay out of pocket in order to access transdermal estradiol treatment.
One of the most important themes emerging from this work is the growing recognition that quality of life matters.
For many couples, the emotional and physical effects of hormone therapy become part of everyday life. Sleep disruption, fatigue, emotional distance, loss of libido, depression, hot flashes, and cognitive changes can affect not only the patient, but also the partner standing beside him.
This research does not mean one treatment is right for everyone.
Every treatment decision is personal and should always be discussed with a qualified medical team familiar with a patient’s medical history and cancer situation.
But studies like this matter because they reflect something many caregivers and patients have been saying for years:
Cancer control matters.
Quality of life matters too.
I appreciate the work of the Estradiol Initiative and researchers including Richard Wassersug for helping bring attention to these important conversations.
Published Study:
“Transdermal estradiol for prostate cancer: how do patients compare it to other options for androgen deprivation therapy?”
🌻 Debra Othman
Partner, Advocate, and Author of Standing Beside Him
Invisible Caregivers: When Children Carry Adult Responsibilities
Millions of children quietly provide unpaid care for family members—often without recognition or support.
Invisible Caregivers: When Children Become the Support System
Millions of caregivers in the United States are still children.
An estimated 5.4 million children under the age of 18 are quietly providing unpaid care for a parent, grandparent, or sibling with chronic illness, disability, or complex medical needs. Some are as young as eight years old.
They are rarely called caregivers.
They are rarely recognized as such.
But their responsibilities—and their emotional load—are very real.
What Child Caregiving Looks Like
Child caregivers often help with the same daily tasks adults do, including:
• Preparing meals
• Assisting with dressing or bathing
• Managing household chores
• Helping with medications
• Providing emotional reassurance and stability
Many balance these responsibilities before school, after school, and at night, while trying to meet academic expectations and social norms that do not reflect their reality.
For these children, caregiving is not a role they chose.
It is a role that emerged out of love, necessity, and lack of alternatives.
A Rapidly Growing Population
The number of child caregivers in the U.S. has roughly quadrupled over the past two decades, rising from about 1.3 million to more than 5 million today.
Several factors contribute to this increase:
• An aging population
• More families managing chronic illness at home
• Limited access to affordable, in-home care
• Fewer extended family or community supports
In some regions, the numbers are striking.
For example, studies in states like Florida suggest up to one in four middle-school students may be involved in caregiving at home.
The Emotional and Academic Impact
Carrying adult responsibilities at a young age comes at a cost.
Research shows that child caregivers are at higher risk for:
• Chronic stress and anxiety
• Depression
• Fatigue and sleep disruption
• Difficulty concentrating in school
• Social isolation
Many worry constantly about the health of the person they care for.
Others feel guilt when they leave the house, spend time with friends, or focus on themselves.
Because caregiving is often hidden, these children may struggle silently, without teachers, counselors, or peers fully understanding what they are managing.
Disproportionate Impact on Families of Color
Child caregiving occurs across all communities, but it is more common in families of color, including African-American, Latinx, and Asian-American households.
Systemic factors play a role, including:
• Health inequities
• Economic barriers
• Cultural expectations around family care
• Limited access to formal support services
These children often step in because there is no one else available—and because family care is seen as both necessary and expected.
Why Awareness Matters
Many child caregivers do not self-identify as caregivers.
They may see what they do as “just helping,” even when the responsibilities are overwhelming.
Awareness matters because:
• Children cannot ask for support if they don’t know it exists
• Schools and communities cannot respond to what they cannot see
• Families deserve help before children reach burnout
Recognizing child caregivers is not about labeling them—it is about protecting them.
A Note for Educators and School Staff
Many caregiving children are first seen—not in healthcare settings—but in classrooms.
They may arrive early or late.
They may appear tired, distracted, or unusually responsible for their age.
They may miss homework deadlines or struggle to participate fully.
What is often misunderstood is that these behaviors are not a lack of motivation or ability. They may be signs of caregiving responsibilities at home, carried quietly and without recognition.
What Educators Might Notice
Caregiving students may:
Show chronic fatigue or difficulty concentrating
Appear anxious, withdrawn, or emotionally mature beyond their years
Miss school intermittently or struggle with consistency
Take on peer-caretaker roles in group settings
Avoid talking about home life, or minimize it
Many will never say, “I’m a caregiver.”
They may simply say, “I help at home.”
Printable educator packets for teachers, counselors, and school staff are available in the Partners & Allies section of the Resources page.
Why Identification Matters
When caregiving goes unseen:
Academic expectations may unintentionally add pressure
Emotional stress may be misread as behavioral issues
Children may feel isolated or ashamed of their responsibilities
Recognition does not require labeling a child.
It begins with curiosity, flexibility, and compassion.
Support Can Be Simple
Supportive responses may include:
Gentle check-ins rather than assumptions
Flexibility with deadlines when appropriate
Awareness from counselors or school support teams
Creating a safe space where a student feels seen, not singled out
Often, what caregiving students need most is understanding, not intervention.
A Shared Responsibility
Schools are not responsible for solving family caregiving needs.
But they play a powerful role in protecting a child’s wellbeing while they learn, grow, and navigate responsibilities beyond their years.
Awareness within educational settings can be the difference between a child struggling alone—and a child feeling supported.
🌻
When adults notice, children no longer have to carry everything by themselves.
What Support Can Look Like
Support does not always mean formal programs or major interventions. Sometimes it begins with:
• Adults noticing and asking gentle questions
• Schools offering flexibility and understanding
• Healthcare providers recognizing the family system
• Communities normalizing conversations about caregiving
Most importantly, it means acknowledging that no child should carry adult-level responsibility alone.
A Gentle Invitation
If you are a caregiver reading this, you may recognize yourself in these stories—or you may recognize a child in your life who is quietly doing more than most adults realize.
Awareness is the first step.
Compassion is the next.
🌻
Explore caregiver tools, reflections, and support resources at:
debraothman.com
Resources for Young Caregivers and Their Families.
Resources for Young Caregivers in U.S.A.
American Association of Caregiving Youth (AACY)
One of the leading U.S. organizations focused specifically on caregiving youth.
They provide research, school-based programs, and direct support for children caring for family members.
Website: aacy.org
Best for: Educators, families, and communities seeking recognition and structured support.
Caregiving Youth Project
A nationally recognized model (originated in Florida) that partners with schools to identify and support caregiving youth through counseling, academic support, and family resources.
Best for: School counselors, administrators, and parents advocating for support within schools.
Family Caregiver Alliance
Offers education, caregiver fact sheets, and guidance for families—including resources relevant to youth caregivers, even though their focus is often adult caregivers.
Website: caregiver.org
Best for: Families seeking practical caregiving information and emotional support.
National Alliance for Caregiving
Produces research and national reports on caregiving trends, including data on youth and young adult caregivers.
Website: caregiving.org
Best for: Data, policy context, and research-backed awareness.
Child Mind Institute
Provides trusted information on childhood stress, anxiety, depression, and trauma—common challenges for caregiving youth.
Website: childmind.org
Best for: Mental health education and emotional wellbeing support.
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
Offers education and support for families navigating mental health challenges, including resources helpful for children in caregiving households.
Website: nami.org
Best for: Emotional support, family education, and crisis guidance.
School & Community-Based Support
Many caregiving youth are first identified through schools, not healthcare systems.
Helpful entry points include:
School counselors or social workers
Nurses and special education teams
Community health clinics
Faith-based or local family service organizations
Even small accommodations—flexibility with deadlines, quiet check-ins, or awareness—can make a meaningful difference.
If You’re a Caregiver or Parent
If a child in your life is providing care:
You are not failing
You are not alone
Help does exist, even if it takes time to find
Recognizing the role a child has taken on is a powerful first step toward protecting their wellbeing.
Resources for Young Caregivers in Canada
Young Caregivers Association (YCA)
One of the few Canadian organizations focused specifically on young caregivers (children, teens, and young adults).
They offer:
• Education and awareness
• Caregiver recognition
• Community support initiatives
Website: youngcaregivers.ca
Best for: Families looking for validation, language, and national awareness efforts.
Canadian Caregiver Coalition
A national alliance advocating for caregivers across Canada, including youth caregivers.
They provide:
• Research and policy context
• National caregiver data
• Links to provincial supports
Website: canadacaregivercoalition.ca
Best for: Understanding the broader caregiver landscape in Canada.
Family Caregivers of British Columbia
Although province-based, this organization is often referenced nationally and provides practical guidance that applies to families across Canada.
They offer:
• Caregiver education
• Emotional support resources
• Plain-language caregiving guides
Website: familycaregiversbc.ca
Best for: Practical caregiving support and emotional wellbeing.
Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA)
Provides mental health education, crisis resources, and community programs across all provinces and territories.
This is especially relevant for caregiving youth experiencing:
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Burnout
• Emotional overload
Website: cmha.ca
Best for: Mental health support and local branch referrals.
Kids Help Phone
A critical resource for children and teens who may be overwhelmed but unable to speak openly at home.
• 24/7 phone, text, and online chat
• Confidential and youth-centered
• Free across Canada
Website: kidshelpphone.ca
Best for: Immediate emotional support for caregiving youth.
Ontario Caregiver Organization
While Ontario-based, this organization offers strong caregiver education and navigation support that may help families understand what services exist.
Website: ontariocaregiver.ca
Best for: Caregiver education and system navigation.
A Note on Canadian Gaps
Unlike the U.S., Canada does not yet have widespread school-based programs that formally identify and support caregiving youth.
As a result:
• Many children remain invisible
• Families may not know where to ask for help
• Teachers and healthcare providers may miss caregiving responsibilities
This makes awareness, language, and early recognition especially important.
🌻
If you are a parent, educator, or caregiver in Canada and recognize a child carrying more responsibility than their peers, support begins with noticing—and naming—what they are doing.
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📘 Want to go deeper? Learn more about Standing Beside Him – A Caregiver’s Guide.